The Unforgiven
by RiddleSolved
Summary: Swan Queen, rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1 - The Unforgiven

**The Unforgiven.  
**

Emma looked at the woman approaching her. Dark brown eyes staring intensely into her own, a look which alone was enough to bring the entire room to silence. The dark-eyed woman moved closer, her hips swaying slightly as she moved. Everyone held their breath. Her steps were full of confidence and her body language calm. But those eyes, oh those eyes. Regina owned the room. She owned the people in the room. And she owned the town. But not Emma, _oh no_, Emma thought. _She'll never ever own me. _Emma sighed. She wished she could postpone the confrontation. She wish she could run away, hide away, just somehow, not be the core of this woman's attention. _Not now, not today_.

As the dark haired woman moved closer her eyes pierced into Emmas mind. The only sound in the room was the pounding of Emmas heart and the clicks of high heels hitting the floor. "Oh, there you are _miss Swan_", Regina talked with a deep and low voice, letting annoyance show through at the mention of Emmas name, "I think you have something that's mine, and I want it back. " Her voice was collected but stern, and deep under the surface the fire of the former queen could be seen burning. Regina was not about to let anyone run her over again, not this time. "I expect you to have it brought back to me before nightfall." She moved closer to the blonde, bringing her hands up towards Emmas throat, brushing the tips of her fingers along Emmas jawbone. "In one piece," the mayor said staring the blonde in the eyes, her nails slightly biting into Emmas skin "or I may have to hurt that pretty little face of yours".

Emma gasped, and stepped backwards almost stumbling into the wall behind her. Her heart pounded loudly, and she was sure everyone in the room could see how she shrunk beneath Reginas fingertips when they barely touched her skin. Yet she couldn't let Regina win, she was supposed to be strong, a saviour they called her. A hero. _Oh, if only they knew_.

Blood rushed to her face, and her thoughts swirled out of proportions, cursing, thinking, striving for a solution. She couldn't give it up. Not now. Not yet. She had to figure out how the darn thing worked first. She had to get the upper hand. She said nothing. And when she saw the flicker of madness in Reginas eyes, she tried to collect herself and reclaim territory.

She was about to move closer to the mayor to gain back some control when Regina withdrew and walked away in angry steps "I expect you know the consequences of defying me", Regina said as she left the room. Emma stood back in the tiny diner, struck silent by the other woman. She'd had no comeback. Not this time. Not when she knew Regina was right. As she collected herself, she brought a hand to the tiny book hidden inside her jacket to check it was still there. She felt the tingle of magic when her fingertips touched its cover.

* * *

As Regina left Granny's diner, she felt the anger inside her slowly turn to fear. What if she didn't get it back? What if Emma actually figured out how to use it? She'd run her out of town for sure, bind her down, gain control, defeat her. She couldn't let that happen. She vowed that to herself all those years ago. She'd never lose again. She'd never back down. She would never be tied down. She was free now. This was supposed to be her "happy ending" after all. _Ah, if only those things were true. If only love always won, if only life was fair, oh, if only. _But life wasn't fair, and she knew it. She was prepared to fight. She needed her book back. Not because she wanted to use it of course, no, not that. Just to keep it safe. Keep it hidden. Keep it away from _her. _

She pulled her coat tighter feeling the frost of the late summer evening biting into her skin. She could have just magically transported back to the mansion, but she'd made a point out of using her magic less for Henry. Always for Henry. _Ah, her beloved little thing. If only he understood._ Bitterness replaced her fear and she hurried faster along the street. Above her the sky was growing dim, and the wind chilled her body.

Leaves fluttered beneath her feet as she walked, and a melancholic melody filled her head. _If only they understood, _she thought while gazing at a single white feather blowing in the wind, circulating in loops like a ballet through the air, dancing, spinning, twisting. _But I'm the wicked one, _she sighed. _I'll always be evil to them._ They didn't understand. But how could they, when she never told them anything? She never would. That would only gain their pity, their sympathy. Sympathy brought nothing. No, she'd rather take fear any day. And power. The power to break free, to keep making her choices even though they were the wrong ones._ No, there is no such thing as evil, only power or surrender._ And she was not going to give in to that one. Not again. _Oh, miserable people. Don't they understand? There's no such thing as a happy ever after. _Not for her. Not for them. There is always pain, and those few moments when she would be able to forget. Those moments when she held her little boy tight, when he smiled at her and called her 'mum', when he laughed... Those moments when the world felt less heavy, less like a heavy never-ending battle.

Distracted by her heavy thoughts she hadn't realised she had bent down to pick up the feather from where it fell. Not until she held it up against the evening sun did she realize. She studied how the light danced along its edge as it moved with the wind. _How curious_ she thought, as she stood still in the middle of the street. _How did it get into my hand? It's so beautiful. Such a pretty little thing. _A smile spread across her face, followed by a sense of serenity. This was indeed a beautiful thing, a precious thing, but as she was about to put it into her purse, a twist of light made her suddenly let go in shock. An image of Emma formed in her mind as the feather fell, the way Emmas hair had fluttered behind her during their confrontation earlier today resembled the way the feather now spun into the air only to disappear.

And that was when it struck her. Emma hadn't fought back today. She had shrunk in her presence. Emma who always stormed in ready for a fight, bursting with emotion. Today she had shrunk before her like a wolf falling in line, a prey trying desperately to search for a way out knowing all too well there is none. _Have I finally broken through _Regina mused to herself, _maybe she'll fall like the others. Maybe I'm still on top. Maybe I don't have anything to fear... yet? _She grinned. She would have to use this to her advantage. She would make the sheriff bend, and bend down deep. Make her fall so deep she'd never dare defy her. _Oh, what a joy that would have been._ Then Regina remembered the book once more, and the grin left her face. As she walked the final way back home, she pondered how she would keep the blonde from awaking the magic inside the book. Emma had to be broken before it was too late. She needed that book back.


	2. Chapter 2 - The World is Not Enough

**The World is Not Enough**

Back in the diner, Emma tried to collect herself, to re-gain confidence. She felt every eye in the crowd burning into her, and could only assume what they thought. "What was that all about?", Ruby almost shouted towards her as she approached the blonde. As she hurried closer, her dark brown hair with their red stripes fluttered behind her. Emma didn't know what to say, her heart was still pounding heavily. She didn't want to explain. Didn't want to think. And mostly, she didn't want to explore the tightening in her chest upon seeing the wild look in Reginas eyes. She had seen that look before. Instead she just mumbled something barely recognizable, "got to go...", and as she started walking towards the door, she tried to appear confident. She was surprised to see people looking away as if things were back to normal. Not Rubys questioning look piercing through her of course, but everyone else.

She pushed through the door, and felt the cold air brush against her face. Behind her she heard Ruby shout to Granny she'd leave early, before grabbing a jacket and following behind Emma. "You're not getting out of this one this easy, Emma, talk to me! What's going on?" she asked, hurrying past the her new-found friend. Emma didn't say anything. How could she? What would she even say? Not everything is meant to be put into words. So instead they walked in silence down the road, past cars parked outside, past people hurrying around with their every day life. "I think I'm coming down with something", Emma finally offered as an explanation. It wasn't true, but she was feeling weaker than she usual, so she thought it was close enough. "I just.. I think maybe I need a drink to shake it off..." Ruby nodded, and together they approached the bar.

"Shots. Shots for the ladies", Emma practically demanded from the bartender, and watched him pour them a special mix of his own invention. Ruby raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Two tiny glasses of a mixture of gin, black rum and tequila stood before them, known by the name the "The Knock-Out". The girls took one glass each, raised it and drank it all in one at the count of three.

The liquid burned down their throats, and Ruby almost spit it out in shock. Many things can be said about the Knock-Out, but tasting delicious is normally not one of them. "That's not gonna do at all", Emma exclaimed while moving her face closer to the bartender. The burning feeling in her throat had claimed her focus, her previous shrinking feeling lost. "What you really need to do is give us ladies more, and you're going to make it double." She felt more confident as she stepped back again adding a gentle, "Please".

The following lines of shots burned inside when she finally felt ready to talk. The slight buzz took of her edge, and the warmth in her feet boosted her sense of control. "As a wolf", Emma started while pointing to the other woman which eagerly awaited any information. "As a wolf you feel powerful and free, right?" Emma asked, not quite sure where she was going. She didn't know quite what she meant or how much to say. But it was Ruby, and she could probably understand. At least this part. At least the freedom. The power. The game.

"Yes", Ruby answered, "nothing is better than running and running and never looking back when you're running." Ruby lowered her eyes a moment as if slightly ashamed, "And nothing is like running away". Emma smiled. Not a beautiful serene, smile of joy, but a creepy smile Ruby had never seen before._ "I personally am one for the chase",_ Emma thought. At least the thought she'd thought it. Not until she noticed Ruby's curious look asking her to go on did she realise she'd said it out loud. "I used to work tracking people, lure them in and bring them down. And I liked it" Emma continued, more careful of her words, "I like control. I like being Sheriff. Gives me that power". Ruby nodded understandingly. As a wolf she felt the same way. Powerful. Untouchable. Strong. And with that they cheered and drank once more.

As the blood rushed through their veins in high speed, their dreams of freedom were carefully analysed and discussed. The freedom to live and love, the freedom to run, and the freedom to decide their own fate. They were closing in on the actual topic, and realising that Emma tensed up a bit. She'd talked around it, danced away from it, encircled the theme. "I don't feel on top here", Emma whispered so only Ruby could hear, while glancing carefully around her. Confident no one was listening to them, she continued, "when they brought back magic they went over my head. I can't fight that." She felt her hands reach into her jacket, touching the book. "I need to get back on top. I need to chase something down. And I need to be strong enough to win should anyone take their fight to me. So I may have done something to tip the balance in my favour".

As they finished their drinks, Emmas thoughts went on a race. "I'm not their hero", she said, "I wish people would stop looking at me that way." She bent her head, feeling warmth rush through her body. He mind started feeling dizzy, and she knew she should have stopped a drink ago. _They all look at me_, she thought, _but they don't see me. They don't hear me. They don't love me. _She looked back in Rubys eyes, "I'm nobody's saviour" she whispered, "and I'm afraid of what happens if they find out."

* * *

Back in her mansion, Regina walked past Henry's room. Empty. He was still staying with the Charmings, and she wanted him back. But she had to do it the right way. She had tried everything else. She sighed, mesmerized by a photo of them from when he was younger, hanging on the wall in his room. They both looked so happy then. A breeze had swept through their hair and leaves fluttered in the wind, music played in the background. She still remembered the tune, and the memory left a bitter-sweet feeling in her mouth. Would he ever come to love her again? To accept her? She could only hope. But in time she knew, in time he would understand all she ever did was for him, to try to make him happy. She was his mother in every way but one, and when he grew up he would understand.

Ah, she wanted comfort. She missed having Graham over, and again regretted killing him off. If Henry wasn't coming around for a while, she would need to find someone else. But who would ever love her in this town? After all she'd done? Henry was pretty much the reason she hadn't been burned at the stake or chopped to pieces. And Emma. She had actually defended her a few times come to think of it, but that was just her trying to win Henry over. Enacting the curse had given Regina everything she'd ever wanted. A gorgeous mansion, an unknowing boy-toy to play with, a town of her own where people respected her and in the end also Henry. Her beloved, wonderful Henry. And yet it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. She had been so naive to ever think it would be. It wasn't love she wanted. Not really. But someone to hold. Some passion. Lust. _Not whatever the Charmings are having_, she thought, _those two are nauseating._

No, she wouldn't find any rest here tonight. She needed _something_, and went to put on something to bring men to their knees. Something shiny. Something closer to what she would have worn back in the old land. Mayor Mills was not useful any more, she had no power. If she was going to get anything at all she would have to prove she deserved it. She would take it. And while planning how to conquer the town of Storybrooke without her magic book, she put together an outfit worthy of the Evil Queen. She was going hunting tonight.


	3. Chapter 3 - Twist in My Sobriety

**Twist in My Sobriety**

She was used to people looking when she entered the room. As an "evil queen" anything less would be unexpected. But not like this. People looked her over with a mixture of wonder, shock and pure desire. And because of that they also looked ashamed. It seemed years of looking at Regina as the mayor had removed their memories of how magnificent she used to be, used to look.

At the other end of the room, Emma heard the gasp in the crowd and gazed towards the door. Her fuzzy head took some time to focus on the shadow moving towards the bar. And when she did, she rolled her eyes. A stunning creature entered the pub, wearing killer-heels, shiny leather pants, and a tight black lace-top showing off a deep cleavage and dark Gothic-style choker. Her dark red lips twisted into a smile when she viewed the crowd before her back away. She was in control. The world was her stage, and these people were nothing but props.

"I think I may be a bit drunk", Ruby said turning to Emma, ''cause I'm pretty sure I just had a weird illusion of Regina in a latex suit". Emma didn't answer at first, shocked by the appearance of the Queen. It was one thing to have it told and seeing drawings in a book, but the real thing? _Oh my! _She couldn't stop staring. At some point she realised her mouth was open and she closed it. "Yes, that drink was quite heavy", Emma replied, "because I'm seeing her too, only it's leather and she's looking.. " She stopped herself. Moments flew by and she needed to re-gain control. _Fuck, fuck, fuck she's coming this way, _she thought and asked the bartender for a glass of water.

Regina relished in the look on people's faces. _Peasants! _They should have run when they had the chance, now she wanted to play. But with _who? _She scanned the room quickly while moving towards the bar. _Act confident_, she reminded herself, _show no fear. They smell your fear. _By the pool table a couple of dwarfs were playing, and insignificant people were spread across the tables. None of them even proposed a challenge. A flicker of her fingers and they would follow her every lead. They might refuse of course, say no, plead. But their eyes gave them away. They would submit. Easy. No passion. No fight. No fun.

Like a lion eyeing a flock of antelopes she tried to pick her prey when her eyes landed on the two ladies in front of the bar. She felt anger brewing inside _what are they doing here, ruining my night! Haven't they already done enough? _She screamed internally but her smile barely twitched. Her hair hanging about her face fluttered around her as she walked. Her hips swayed and her head was held high. She moved towards the bar. _The one person I didn't want to see, and here she's enjoying herself. Being happy. _She felt the anger boil inside, _this is not how it's supposed to be!_

She didn't know why she moved towards the very woman she was avoiding. She didn't know what she said. But she did know the look on Emmas face was worth it. The woman was obviously terrified and angry at the same time. Push the right buttons, and she might have a fight. Push the wrong ones and she would run. The perfect prey. The perfect plaything. How did she not see that before? But then there was the Henry thing. He would probably not like it if she broke her. No, that was a bad idea. And yet...

Emma didn't notice Ruby backing away, or herself stumbling a few steps backwards as Regina approached. But those lips..! That smirk? The woman had power. Emma almost panicked. Then she took a deep breath and steadied herself. She was supposed to be the sheriff. The hero. The _Saviour. _This was not a time to fall. Not now, not in front of the entire town. She would fight to remain that tiny influence another day. She could do this. She stepped forward, meeting Regina halfway in the room. "Here's the thing.." she started, "I'm not looking to pick a fight now Regina, so just.."

Her voice started cracking as the Queen approached. This was not the Regina she knew how to handle. This was not the calm, collected and melancholic woman which loved their son. This was a creature of madness. A hurricane. A tornado. And she bent towards Emma. Regina screamed inside. This was not how she had planned the evening at all.

Voices filled Reginas head. All the anger she had kept bottled up inside screamed for her to reach out and make Emma fall down to the ground, make her beg for mercy, make her kneel. _She destroyed everything just like her mother, _Regina thought, _her Henry. Her beloved Henry._ Inside her head, her mothers words rang, urging her on. _Love is a weakness. Kill them, kill them all! _She tried to tune it out, to remain in control. _Nothing you do will be good enough. Why do you even bother to try? _She stopped. _You're evil. Pure evil. There's no coming back from this. _She felt herself gritting her teeth as Rumplestiltskins voice sounded once more in her head. _ No one will ever love you._

She wouldn't touch the Sheriff now, she decided. Wouldn't force her to crawl in front of her like she should. _Henry_ wouldn't like that. But what a joy that would be. No, she had to find another way, another display of power. "I'm not here to _fight_, Miss Swan", playfulness audible in her voice, "I'm merely here for some _fun_ tonight since my son is away at the time". She looked the blonde over. "And I can see you cherish your time with him". She didn't let Emma answer, but instead turned to the nearest person close by. A man of decent looks and a terrified look coated with lust. She didn't remember his name. "It seems I'll have to find some other way to keep myself occupied".

Emma didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to think. The notion of her not being with Henry when she could stung. But it was all Regina's fault. Everything was. She was the reason Emma was now mildly drunk in a bar instead of home with her son. She was the reason why Emma felt angry and sad and terrified. And it burned. Inside her everything burned. How _dare _she imply she wasn't handling Henry right? _She_ was the one pushing him away so far he had sought her out in the first place. But she held her anger back. She wouldn't have this fight. Not now. _I am their hero._ _Their saviour._ She had to remember that. And with all the willpower she could muster, she forced herself to say nothing, to do nothing. To watch.

Like a snake twisting towards a rat, Regina moved towards her male target. She could see him inhale in shorter breaths, swallowing and his eyes widen. She could almost hear the blood rushing through his veins, and the frantic beating of his heart. She smiled. _Yes, this is it. Bow down to your queen._ She stroked his face with a finger and placed the other behind his head as if forcing him down. "Do you want me?" She asked. He didn't answer but his body trembled at her touch. A slight nod could be seen as his mind started grasping what was happening. "Say it!" She demanded in her regal tone, "Say it loud so they all hear you. Tell them what you want". The low whispering tone of her voice sent another tremble through him, and she felt a rush of power running through her. Oh, she'd missed this. Watching them squirm. Making them tremble. And mostly she enjoyed displaying her power to the shocked woman by the bar. _She has no idea who she's dealing with_, she thought as the man before her mastered enough of his voice to beg her to take him. "Please, my Queen. Please, I want to be yours. Take me. Let me be your slave."

Emma watched horrified at the show before her. The woman in black and her dance of seduction. The man hungrily reached for her body but wasn't allowed as much as a touch. This was Regina's game. Regina's terms. Regina's show. And as her hands left his face and stroked his arms, his body, his hair, Emma could feel something sting inside. Should she be watching this? This was so wrong on so many levels, so... Regina grinned, and slowly kissed the lips before her. The man sighed, and when she let go and walked out the door, he followed behind like an eager puppy.

Emma suddenly realised she was trembling. Her fingernails were digging into her clenched fist, and the burning sensation inside made her feel.. She didn't know. Shocked? Yes, she was shocked. But there was something else. A rush of blood ran to her cheeks, and she realised she was blushing. Her body was dizzy. _Must be the shots, _she thought and took a sip of water from her glass. She closed her eyes trying to absorb what was happening, but her eyes travelled to the door where Regina had left. She couldn't help but wonder what they were doing. _She shouldn't be touching him._ She was angry. Yes, she knew this feeling. _He didn't know what he was doing. She had obviously cursed him in some way._ She finished her water, and told Ruby she had to go. _She can't just go around cursing people. _She thought angrily, _She can't just go forcing her lips on every eager boy toy. _Images of Regina and Graham flashed through her mind, and she pushed herself through the door. _Fuck being nice. Fuck being gentle. And most of all, fuck her!_


	4. Chapter 4 - Fade to Black

**Fade to Black**

She didn't bother walking far. She didn't bother hiding. She was angry, she was burning, and she was not entertained. Regina pushed her boy toy against a nearby wall, and smiled. "I want you to really beg for me", she encouraged the man, holding him down. And he begged. He pleaded and he begged. But it was not enough. She felt frustration building inside. Why wasn't it enough? She pushed her lips against his, feeling his passion, feeling him tremble, feeling his need.

She let him touch her. Let him slide his shaking hands down her face, her chest, down, down, down. He kissed her with fierce passion, and he begged for her. Regina sighed. _I feel nothing. _He held her, he touched her. _Why is everything so far away? _He kissed her neck, her cleavage, her stomach. _ Why don't I feel anything? _But she did. She felt empty. She felt angry. She felt sad.

She pushed him backwards. He stopped, confused, asked what was wrong. "Nothing is wrong you ignorant fool", she replied, taking a firm grip at his neck. She kissed him with such ferocity he shuddered. She didn't let go. And when she pressed harder he almost stopped breathing and she still didn't let go. She wanted _something. _She needed something. _Why are you so far away? _She needed...

* * *

_"_Is there a problem here?" Someone asked, and Regina suddenly realised she had both her hands firmly placed around his throat. Emmas hands pushed against her arms. She looked very angry. Regina hadn't seen her coming up behind her. She hadn't noticed anything but her failure at satisfaction. And now _she_ came and made it even worse.

Emma was truly pissed now. One moment she was talking to a majestic queen, and the next she saw was Regina strangling the man that had begged for her. Her hands had tightened around his neck, his throat. A sudden burst of madness had engulfed the woman, like Emma had never seen before. This was not the actions of a sane person. This was not Regina. This was a monster.

He sat down when Regina finally let him go, gently rubbing his throat, gasping for air. "Get away _now_",The Sheriff told him, "I'll take it from here". She had already turned back to Regina when the man picked himself up from the ground and left. "What the HELL was that!?" Emma screamed. "I thought you'd changed! I thought you were better than this! I thought..!" Emma shouted. Emma screamed. Emma talked.

Regina was still in shock. She looked at her hands. _What did I do, what did..._ And Emma kept on shouting. Regina didn't look at her. She kept staring at her hands. _Why is everything so far away? _Her lips twisted. Her body was shaking. _Why is she so far away? _

Emma finished shouting. The brunette hadn't said a word. In fact, she hadn't even looked her in the eyes. She kept staring down at her hands. Was she shaking? _Oh, hell no. Don't you even dare._

* * *

_Lost._

There were big walls closing in from the outside. Big black walls. "Breathe". _Try with every living part of your will to keep breathing. _"Slowly, inhale, let go. Don't let the panic get you. Keep breathing. Slowly. Breathe." The distant voice kept ringing in Reginas head. Someone kept talking to her. Someone kept asking her to breathe. But it was so far away, so distant. It could be a memory? She didn't care. All that mattered was that voice. "Breathe calmly", it said, "you don't need to panic, it'll all be all-right. Just keep breathing".

She tried to slow down the fast gulps of air and draw it all the way down like she knew she should. A wave of pain shot through her. She was lying down, she realized. Her blue lips twitched and her shaking hands which rested near her chest tightened. Her fingernails were already leaving marks where she held them, but she pressed on, trying to ease the pain from somewhere inside.

"All the way down!" The voice urged her on, "try again, it's all right". Tears sprang from Reginas eyes, staring out at nothing. Her focus was long since gone although her eyes were open. All she knew was the pain now. The voice disappeared to a murmur, and the words faded with every breath she couldn't draw. Panic crept into her, swallowing her mind, and the pain shot through again. "You're supposed to be a queen_, _so you better start breathing like one…"

And the voice was gone. Her breathing ran into a battle she couldn't win, the air not reaching down to her lungs before she breathed out again. The walls closed in, and the blackness crept closer. The pain in her still rising chest tightened again. She didn't fear it any more. She knew this pain. She knew this blackness.

Closer and closer. The walls closed upon her. But she welcomed them now. She longed for the pain. She longed for the last and final shot that would run through her body and take her away. And the release. A distant form of pleasure that turned the world into nothing.

The air left her lungs, and the pulse of pain came like a wave through her, and she was more aware of her existence than ever before. Then she was aware of the nothing around her, and when the walls hit, the blackness exploded to a massive layer of nothing.


	5. Chapter 5 - It's All Over But the Crying

(I was told to put up a little note on some dubious consent in this text. You are now warned. )

**It's All Over But the Crying**

_Air. _She was aware of nothing but the sudden feeling of air in her lungs. Big, endless amount of air. Regina drew it in more and more by her own will, not just because of the machine. She suddenly became aware it was just that. A machine blowing air down her throat. Something covered her mouth, and there were softness around her. Soft like pillows. She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids were too heavy still. There were sounds around her she now heard, voices muttering around and rushing each other on. She couldn't make out any of them. She felt so distant, so small, but that was unimportant. All she cared about was that endless source of air.

When she finally came too, she noticed she was indeed lying in a bed. Emma was pacing at the other end of the room, clearly not sure what to do. And then she remembered. She felt her hands around the man's throat, tightening, the terror in his eyes. And she remembered Emmas anger directed towards her. She had wanted to kill him. She had wanted to hurt him, make him scream. Then Emma had had stopped her. And then came the shock. She had no reason to want the man gone. She didn't even know his name. But she had killed so many before, why did she feel shocked this time? What was different? And as she recalled the events of the day, images of every kill she had ever done, every heart she had taken came rushing into her mind. She shivered. She cried. She kept on breathing.

Emma looked at the creature in the hospital bed. _Something is not right here_, she thought. Regina had killed before, she had hurt before, but whatever she was looking at now was a person in complete shock. Emma studied her as Regina managed to curl into a ball, crying, staring into a void before her, and crying even more. _This is too much_, Emma thought. She had to go get some air.

* * *

When she returned with a glass of water in her hand, she heard voices from Reginas room. _But no one knows she's here yet? _Emma thought, _only me and the nurses. _And she stopped a moment to listen.

A hollow and low voice like the wind on a cold winter evening was whispering something._ "_I can make it go away again", the voice urged, "take it all away". And Regina cried. "No", she managed between her sobs, "No, not again, I'm a monster". The low purring voice laughed a chill laughter which could shake the bones. "Yes, my beloved little one. Just one kiss and you will be mine once more. It will all go away. They will never love a _monster _like you." The voice seemed to come from all around, "you used to be so eager to make me take it all away. Do you remember? How you begged? Begged for me to kiss you. Begged for me to make you mine..." Regina cried.

Emma couldn't take it any more. She didn't know what was going on, but she pushed through the door. And when she did, she saw a white shape bent over the shaking body of the Mayor. As Emma entered, the shape slid down from over Reginas body and to the floor. A stunning woman of pure silver – almost transparent – glanced angrily at the blonde. "Are you the one breaking my things?" She asked angrily, "I don't like when people break my things". And as she stared fiercely into Emmas eyes, she disappeared in thin air, leaving snowflakes on the floor.

Emma had no clue what was going on. And she had no clue what she felt. That was new. Was she angry? Pissed? Terrified? Sad? And what had just happened? She was still quite drunk, she might have just imagined it. Yes, she decided. _That never happened. _She put her glass of water on a nearby table as she looked at the curled up body of the Mayor in the bed. This was yet another version of Regina she hadn't seen and she had no clue at all what to do. _How does someone fall so deep so fast? _She felt sorry for the thing in front of her. She pitied her.

"Stop!" Reginas broken voice sounded between the sobs, "Please, stop it, don't you dare pity me". Emma moved closer to the bed. "No, don't do that. Make it go away. Make it stop." Regina raised her head and looked into the blondes eyes. Her mascara had smudged beneath her eyes, her lipstick had worn off. But even in this shabby state she looked magnificent. Her face made a grimace as if fighting back some deep pain within, and her eyes were filled with horror. She held Emmas eyes and whispered barely audible. "Kill me."

Emma didn't think anything could shock her any more, but the words struck her like big fist in the face. The horror in those eyes were the most terrifying thing she had ever seen. And she pitied her. And she felt angry. "No. You know I won't do that".

Regina shook at the words. She knew. Emma was one of the good guys, no, she wouldn't do such a thing. The images flashing before Reginas eyes wouldn't stop as the pain of hundreds of murders she had committed all caught up to her at once. _The darn conscience thing. _Earlier she had just shrug it off when people asked. _Soon they will all know how deep I've fallen. _And she lowered her head again. She didn't know what more to say. "Please".

Emma felt angrier now. "Damn You Regina!", Emma shouted, "You're the mother of my son, so you think I'd ever _KILL_ you? I'm not ..." She stopped.

"..not like me", Regina finished the sentence. "Not a monster like me. Silence stretched between them as Emma realized what she had implied.

"If you can't kill me, won't you at least hit me? Give me what I deserve? I won't fight back." Regina asked, head lowered, body still shaking. "I won't hit you when you're down, Regina." Emma answered, angrily. She didn't understand what was happening. Where was the fighter she had come to know? Where was the fire, the passion, the survivor? _Where is the queen?_

She hadn't even finished the thought before Regina slowly inhaled, steadied herself and got up. She used her fingers to remove the mascara below her eyes, and forced a smirk. "Then come fight your Queen", she said more confidently but the look of terror was still lingering in her eyes, her body still frail. "I know you've wanted to since you first saw me. Before you took my son, my man and my town. I know you want to hit me." Regina taunted her as she now stood up on the floor and started moving closer to the blonde. "Or do I have to force you? Force you to hit me like I forced Graham to my bed?" Her own voice betrayed her sorrow at the mention of his name, but she managed to appear in control. _Hit me. Kill me. Make it go away._

Emma hit her then. The mention of _him_ made something inside her rage, and her inhibitions were replaced with anger. "You..! You..! How could you, you evil bitch", Emma screamed as she slapped Regina across the face with the flat of her hand. Regina shock at the impact, trembled, but held her ground, "Again! Give me what I deserve." And Emma complied again and again and again.

Each slap stung and burned at the same time, and for an instant the images in Reginas mind were gone. She felt her body react, to grow tense as Emmas hand swayed in the air before her. _Make me scream_, she thought, _I have never screamed, please, oh please make me scream._ But she didn't. She absorbed stroke after stroke on her face, in her stomach, to her chest. She felt her body stir at the touch, and a sight escaped her mouth. She could see the blonde's anger fade, but she wasn't ready for it to stop yet. After pain there would be only sorrow. A big dark cloak ready to sweep down at her, cover her, bring her down. _Punish me. For one times sake, punish me._

Emmas touch had felt like poison slowly making her body ache, making her body go limp after the stinging sensation of each slap against her skin. "Please don't stop", Regina whispered when Emma paused. "Make it hurt. Make it burn. Make it ache." Encouraged by Reginas words, Emma moved closer still roused on pure anger. Hate. Passion. She loved the sound of her hand against Reginas skin. The look as the brunette shuddered beneath her. The rush of adrenaline, the...

She looked into Reginas eyes, which were filled with pain, with sorrow, and.. need? Tears were almost visible in her eyes, and her teeth were clenched together as she breathed shorter gulps of air. She looked like a chained tiger, a bottled hurricane, a powerful being staying down only because she herself allowed it. Her pleading look was lined with desire.

"I said. Don't. Stop." Regina repeated, taking a firm grip of the blonde which appeared stunned for some reason. Emma didn't need to be asked again, but instead of slapping Regina, she pushed her backwards. She grabbed Reginas hands, pinning them to the wall much like she had once before in a cupboard. "Damn you", Emma whispered angrily, "why are you doing this to me!?"

Regina didn't answer. The wall was cold against her back, and her body aroused by anger, by pain and by the way the blonde held her firmly in place. The touch of Emmas body barely leaning against her was enough to sensitize her skin. This was no longer only about the pain. She could feel a warm sensation building up inside, her own breathing getting shallow, her.. As if she had awoken from a nightmare the world was suddenly filled with sensation, filled with lust, with passion. And as she studied she the look on Emmas face she bit her lip and smiled.

Emmas hands were sore from hitting the Mayor, and she was sure she had wounded her enough for the skin to bruise tomorrow. _What have I done?_ But Regina only appeared more powerful by each minute, as if the pain itself had made her recover, made her strong. And that smile? The way she bit her lips and smiled... Emma was still angry. Her heart was ponding heavy, how could she just stand there and receive it all, she should have broken down by now. She should have given in. She should have...

_How dare she smile? How dare she stand there mocking me? _Emma wanted her to fall. Wanted her to beg forgiveness for all the pain she had caused. Wanted her to bow down before her. "What happened, Sheriff, you can't even fight me when I'm not fighting back? Given up already?" Regina teased towards her. And the blondes eyes narrowed, her hands let go of the brunettes hands, and traced her arms down to her throat. _I have the power now. Just a twist and I'll have you falling, have you begging._

But with her hands free, Regina could again move freely. Her emotions were still rushing in on her, and for the first time she realised how beautiful Emma was. And adorable, like a tiny barking chihuahua who doesn't realise how small it actually is. The golden hair fell in curls down from her head and the hospital light behind her appeared like a halo making the edges flutter and swirl like the feather she had found earlier the same day. It was shocking how she had never before noticed the twist of her lips and the storm in her eyes. But now she did, and drank it all in.

Then her predator instincts truly awoke, and while Emma pressed against her throat trying to inflict pain without strangling her completely, Regina moved her hands to the blondes face. She looked her in the eyes while tracing her fingertips along Emmas face, her neck, her throat. Emmas eyes widened and her breathing momentarily stopped. Then she realised her response and tried to remain calm. _She has no power over me. _But when she felt Reginas fingernails biting into the skin on her back and saw the woman smirk in the way only the Queen knew how, Emma gasped and momentarily let go of Reginas throat.

Reginas hand suddenly pressed on her shoulders, and the unexpecting Sheriff stumbled backwards. She fell. _Oh fuck._ And suddenly she was sitting on the hospital bed with her feet on the floor. A magnificent creature hovering above her. The Queen bent forward towards the blonde which started to realise her role in the game. "I never gave you permission to stop", Regina whispered gently in her ear.

Twisting like a snake Regina crept towards her. Her eyes were burning with hate, with passion, with lust. _It's too late_, Emma thought, and her eyes mirrored the thought. She glanced around looking for a way out. There was none. When Reginas hands travelled down her body she froze, and when her hands caressed her stomach, her chest, her nipples.. Emma shivered. She was hopelessly captured and captivated. She tried to speak but found no words. She finally understood how the man in the bar could surrender so fast. It would be so easy. _But not me. I can't let her see what she's doing to me. I can't..._

Regina took hold of her nipples and twisted. Emma gasped and tried to lift her hands to push Regina away, but when she saw the look in the brunettes eyes she didn't. "Regina, I can't, we can't.." but the queen didn't listen. She was in control now. And she wanted Emma to squirm beneath her. She wanted her to scream, to shout, and to call her name. And while she toyed with Emmas body, she saw the blonde trying to resist her. _That won't last for long, dear. This is a game I never lose._

Reginas touch was seducing, and Emma could feel her nipples betraying her, stiffening to the brutal touch. Her body ached for more, and she longed. She hated loving it. She hated that the woman could make her so angry and yet feel so needy at the same time. And when Regina kissed her neck, gently biting down on her skin, she knew she would give in.


	6. Chapter 6 - Make Me Bad

(This chapter is mostly smut, so if you're not into that, skip to below the line. And again, still a bit doubtful consent...)

**6. Make Me Bad**

It is not always easy to separate between hate, lust and passion, but at this very moment they didn't care. All Regina wanted was to win, to lose, to feel. Her hands swept across Emmas shivering body, and the blonde allowed it to happen. And yet at the same time she was angry for letting it happen, but she could not deny the stinging rush of arousal building up within. And with the seducing glimmer in Reginas eyes - how could she resist? How could she fight this? And yet how could she ever live with herself is she did? How would she explain to her son what was going on? What she had done to her mother? It might not show now, but the slaps across Reginas body would show up as bruises soon.

_Ah! _She stopped thinking. The brunette's hand travelled down her body, under her shirt, underneath all her clothes.. and she could feel nails digging into her skin. "Who'd have known", Regina murmured, enjoying Emmas conflicted expression, "our sheriff doesn't like to be on top after all!"

_Stop_, Emma thought, _Oh, please stop it. _But instead of removing Reginas hands, she closed her eyes and thrust her body upwards to meet the caressing hands. "Oh, such a willing little toy", Regina laughed, fire burning in her eyes and a twisted grin placed on her face. Emma let her do what she wanted, giving in completely, _I cannot fight her now, not today, she's dangerous... _And as she showed her neck in surrender like a wolf to the pack leader, she felt warm hands opening and pulling down her jeans.

"Ahh", a barely audible moan escaped Emmas mouth as fingertips brushed against her panties in circular motions, and Regina grinned again. As Emma realized her fault she cursed silently in her mind and forced herself to pretend she wasn't affected by the soft, pleasant touch moving closer and closer and.. away? The circular motions continued towards her stomach, down her ties, everywhere but where she really wanted it to go. Every time the touch came closer she felt her body stiffen, and frustration and desire building up inside. _Oh please, just touch me, just oh, don't, but no, stop, but oh..._

Regina took her time teasing the blonde, silently laughing at Emmas attempts to appear unaffected. And with every increase in breath by the blonde, the pain in Reginas mind felt farther away. Maybe she could forget? Maybe there was light within this dark and terrible world? She wanted Emma to beg. She didn't dare change her own position from above Emma in case that would change the situation, so even though standing bent above her was heavy she forced herself not to care. Instead she continued teasing the woman beneath her while biting gently down on the bared neck, first soft then slowly harder as she felt Emma respond. _So she likes the sweet pain,_ the queen thought as she felt Emma shake as she open her eyes wide. _Oh, she wants it. She's so deliciously wet, so needy..._

"Plf", Emma mumbled so silent it might have been in her mind. She felt her cheeks turn read by the submission, her anger momentarily replaced by complete desire. "What was that you said", Regina asked in a teasing voice. "Please", Emma whispered between her teeth as anger returned to her eyes. S_he can't do this to me. The Evil Bitch, the... _She felt the burning build up within as Reginas hands finally found the sweet spot between her legs. "Ahh", Emma whispered, "please, Regina, please".

Regina smiled at the mention of her name, and with that she gave her everything she wanted. "I want you to say my name when you come", Regina whispered in the blondes ear. At that anger rose up again within Emma and combined with the rhythmic move of Reginas hands it pushed her over the edge. Her body shivered, and as spasms of the orgasm ran across her body, she moaned. "Regina." Then her body stilled and as the shaking subsided she whispered under her breath, "...you evil bitch".

* * *

Pleased with her current work, Regina still couldn't quite decide how she felt. Painful memories were haunting her mind, but at least she still had the power to make someone beg for her, to come at her touch, to surrender to her. The look of pleasure on Emmas face could keep the ghosts at bay for now. She could get through this she decided. And as she rose from the bed to adjust her clothes and walk to wash her hands, she didn't notice the silent tears falling down Emmas eyes.

As Regina stood up, sudden rushes of pain shot through her. _Yep. That's going to bruise real bad._ She thought, gently touching her face where Emma had struck her. The pain shot through her like slow silent waves, and she realised she had to get away before Emma saw just how hurt she was. This was way worse than she'd thought, and she almost fell to the floor as waves of pain and nausea flowed through her body. _Fuck!_

While Regina stumbled towards the sink, Emma was struggling to grasp the situation, to piece together what had just happened. Her head was still burning with anger, buzzing from the alcohol and yet felt calmed by the sweet release. Why did she feel so empty? How did it all happen? She had been so mad, she had hit Regina, she had... _Oh my god! _Tears fell down her face as she tried to cope with the situation, she had beat up Regina really bad. And she had let her.. _Oh god. _She didn't have time to think much more before footsteps sounded outside the door. As she zipped up her pants, the doorknob turned, and Doctor Whale pushed through the door. Behind him, Henry, Snow and Ruby gazed into the room.

It was a crazy sight that met them in the white hospital room of Storybrooke. Equipment lay thrown across the room, the bed had been pushed partly out of position and had a crying Emma on top of it looking drunk and shabby, her clothes slightly wrongly attached. Regina was frozen in terror as she saw them. She looked like she'd been to war, and the previously queenly outfit now seemed tacky and beat up. Her face was read from crying, her hair tangled, and streaks of bruises from Emmas strokes against her body started to appear. Her hands was now holding tight to her chest where the pain was strongest, but she tried to let go and appear as normal as possible while her eyes widened. "Henry...", she whispered.

Everything happened at once then. "We looked all over town for you when you disappeared!", Ruby screamed and ran towards Emma, "Are you OK? What did she do to you!?". Henry stood frozen, looking back and forth from Emma to Regina, confused by what he was seeing. Both his mothers were clearly in pain and the place looked like a battlefield. This was not good. Snow had no idea what had really happened, but she did know she didn't want Henry to see this. She took his hand slowly backing them out of the room. "When we looked for you, and came here, and they said Regina was here, and that you brought her in, and that she was unconscious, we rushed down to help - and we can talk later, come Henry wait outside while I talk to your parents..." All the words rushed out of her at once as she nervously pushed the confused child out the door.

For the first time she could remember, Regina had no idea what to say or what to do.


	7. Chapter 7 - The Beautiful Letdown

**7. The Beautiful Letdown**

An awkward silence stretched across the room as no one dared say anything. Henry had been shuffled out the door by Snow, but kept peeking in trying to figure out what was happening. His mothers were both looking very bad, and he knew he had to help somehow. But how could he when he wasn't even allowed in?_ Stupid grown ups_, he sighed and kept on trying to gather the tiny bits of information available through the tiny gap in the door.

Regina was still standing with her mouth wide open, at a complete loss of what to do. The pain was also demanding her attention, and she knew she couldn't keep up this appearance long. Snow looked at her stepmother, sensing the woman's pain, and knew she had to do something to help. As she approached Regina, the mayor realised she wasn't feeling her usual bitterness towards Snow. In fact, she felt as if a big layer of hate had been lifted from her eyes, and she was seeing the girl she knew once so long ago before her world had turned to darkness.

Snow grabbed her hand and helped her sit down in a chair. Regina found herself smiling at the family they could once have been. "Snow", she said, amusement and curiosity in her voice, "how did it ever go so wrong?" She knew the answer of course, the pain, the sorrow, the bitterness. And as she stared into Snow's bright blue eyes she wondered how things could have been had they both chosen a different path so long ago.

The scene was very confusing for everyone but Regina. Snow opened and closed her mouth like a fish while trying to say something, sensing that something somehow had changed. Was it a trick? Was it the fact that Regina was moments away from fainting again? Or something else entirely? She looked towards Ruby and Emma, which were both sitting on the bed. Emma was still a bit drunk, but Ruby wiped the tears from her eyes.

If she didn't say anything, Emma thought, if both her and Regina just shut up about the whole deal, no one needed to know anything. Her current drunk state could explain why she looked so messed up. But why she had beaten up Regina was quite another thing. Ruby wasn't the only person in the bar who had seen Emma storm out after Regina, and with their confrontation earlier this morning it would be quite hard to get out of this one. _Damn you, Regina, _she thought again, at loss of a way out of the mess.

"How bad is it?", Snow asked Dr. Whale as he walked over to the semi-conscious Regina. "I have no idea", he replied, "she only appeared to suffer from a panic attack when Emma brought her in, I didn't notice the actual damage she has obviously suffered till now, I don't know how I missed it but we'll run all necessary tests and keep her for observation for the night. Whatever happened, we can all be glad Emma found her when she did". After a quick look at the mayor, he called in several nurses, and they lifted Regina back into the bed.

Ruby dragged Emma away from the bed, and the blonde stared at Regina in shock. Had she really hurt her that bad? This was not good. This was not good at all. She was nervous, she was terrified, and she cried. They were dragged out of the room by the nurses which said everything would be OK, but they would work better without the whole family watching. Thus Snow took charge of the situation and after reassurances that they would know anything as soon as anything was to be known, she pushed her shocked daughter, grandson and Ruby out of the door, into the car, and drove home.

The following day Emma experienced the worst hangover in the history of hangovers. Ruby was sleeping on the couch close by as Snow had refused to wake granny. Rubys hangover was less severe than Emmas though, which she explained came from her wolf. She apparently could stand more and recover faster than regular humans, which Emma found to be extremely unfair. Her own head was pounding, the world was spinning and she had the worst paranoia she could remember ever having.

Parts of the previous day was in blanks, but she remembered a white, cold shadow in the room, her hands across Reginas face, and the pleading look of her eyes. She remembered Regina pushing her to the bed, and she remembered Reginas hands all over her body. She wasn't quite sure what was real and what she had imagined, and she didn't really find herself in any position to ask. The beating must have happened, she decided, as Regina had fallen together and was spending the night at the hospital. But the rest? The shade was obviously her mind, but the seduction? She found herself picturing the brunette in her mind, the grin as she had teased Emma, the taunting of her voice, the touch of her skin and her teeth on her neck... And then how she had slapped her beautiful face. Emmas head hurt again, her stomach twisted, and she felt nauseated.

* * *

Back in the hospital Regina slept better than she had in years. Most of it was probably the drugs they had given her for the pain, but something else was at play too. She smiled to herself as she woke, looking at how beautifully the sun shone through the window high up on the wall. The light danced in front of her eyes, and she felt like a young girl ready to run into the world and have an adventure. She tried to get up, and a rushing noise sounded nearby. "She's awake!" Henry screamed and ran over to his mother, "she's finally awake!".

Regina embraced him, and suddenly the world felt perfect. Nothing could harm her now, nothing could bring her down, nothing could... She looked around and saw that Charming was standing behind the boy, nodding slightly, saying he was glad to see her recover. Apparently Henry had woken very early and demanded to go down see her as soon as possible. But that wasn't the only reason he was there, she realised. He was there because the Sheriff was home sleeping off a hangover, and he had temporarily taken up her badge. "So, Regina, Can you remember what happened? Who did this to you?"

Regina didn't quite know what to say at that. _I tricked your daughter to beat me up_ didn't quite seem like the best idea to say, and especially not in front of Henry. _And then I made her beg for me, made her come for me. _Regina smiled at the memory, but didn't think that was the best thing to say either. No, this was between the two of them, and had better stay that way. It was nothing really, just a desperate moment and a chance to play with a way to eager toy. But it was over and done with. Yesterday. Unimportant. And she didn't need the complication of other people getting the wrong idea.

"I'm not quite sure", Regina said, smiling at her boy, "I'm fine now, and with my son. That's all that matters". Henry smiled back at her, but she saw the doubt in his eyes. He didn't buy it. Neither apparently did David. "If you're covering for someone, or if you're threatened..." he began, "just.. we'll figure it out. We'll get to the bottom of this. You're _family_ after all". He said it in a way suggesting he didn't quite approve , probably never would, but if it kept his grandson happy he would try his best to accept her.

* * *

Emma had pretty much slept through the day, only getting up a few times to eat something before crawling back to bed. _I'm never drinking again. Ever. _And the following morning she awoke by a rush of voices outside her bedroom. Apparently Regina was up and going gain, and the hospital had allowed her to leave on the condition that she was looked after. The Charmings had thus decided to bring her back to their place, probably at Henry's doing. _As if it's not crowded enough already_.

Reginas face was now even more red and bruised than before, but "nothing a little make-up can't cover" as she put it. As Snow helped her to the bathroom to find some things, she studied how Regina mixed different foundation colours, adding in a whiter layer first, then building up more colour on a second layer with green tones to dampen the redness, and lastly a perfect match of her skin tone on top which she completed by powdering it in. The motions looked oddly familiar to Snow, but she couldn't quite place from when and where. She was amazed to see how well all the lines faded and left the woman looking almost as pretty as she ever did.

As she stared, it dawned on her that this can't have been the first time Regina did such a thing. She knew too well how to make every line of colour disappear, and suddenly a deep sorrow filled Snow as she tried to figure out what circumstances would have taught her stepmother to cover her wounds so well. "Oh Regina", she burst out in a heartbroken voice and tears in the corner of her eyes. But with her mask complete, Reginas eyes grew colder and she turned away. There was only so much of the past she could handle, and she still felt all the ghosts of her past tearing at her from within. She had to get away from Snow. She was the very manifestation of all the pains and sorrows of her life, she couldn't bare being in her presence any more. Had to get away, had to... "please leave", she said as calm and collected as she possible could, and with that Snow backed out of the room, for once sensing she had overstayed her welcome.

Emma in the neighbouring room listened to the voices, and couldn't help but imagine Reginas intense eyes as she spoke, and the way her lips twisted, her... _Stop it, Emma, What's gotten into you! Get a grip! You were drunk. Stupid and drunk. _She sighed, and not for the first time she came home she wished she had never stolen Reginas stupid book. She didn't even know what to do with it. Sure, she got the part with blowing at a spell to make it come alive, but what's the help in that when you don't know the effects of it? Not only did magic have a price she doubted she was willing to pay, but the words were written in a language she didn't recognise. The curse had given every one else what they needed to get around in this world including understanding of the alphabet, but it apparently didn't work the other way. She had no idea what the text said.

She put the book away, and had only barely managed to hide it when Henry entered the room. "Hey, kid, how's your mum?", she asked trying not to appear as eager for information as she actually was. Had Regina said anything? Did they know? Did they plan on shutting her away behind bars and take away her position as sheriff yet? In this isolated town she pretty much was the law, but if word got around she was beating people she was pretty sure that privilege would be taken away from her. Emma hugged her kid as he talked about his other mother and how she looked much better already, and they were going to find whoever responsible. They were getting to the bottom of this. Everything would be all right. He didn't notice how her heart beat faster by the convinced sound of his voice.

* * *

Breakfast this day was an awkward thing. Henry happily enjoyed his fruit loops, glad not only that Regina was doing such a remarkable recovery, but also because he had both mothers and his grandparents at a table without them cursing each other. That didn't happen too often, so he might as well enjoy it when he could. The rest of the company was more tense. None of them dared mention the elephant in the room, what had really happened that night.

Reginas face was a mixture of happiness, confusion and sorrow. The world around her seemed to be more filled with colour, the inhabitants less annoying. She could feel herself sympathizing with the people around her, feeling sorry for Emmas confusion and conflict, sensing Snows bitter naivety and Charmings recklessness. And looking at Henrys happy face she was filled with all the wonders of the world. The big dark bitterness coating her thoughts had sunk away and faded to nothing. But along with the empathy came the sorrow. She felt how deeply her own actions had hurt, had dug into the lives of everyone around, and she felt all their sorrows weighing her down. _Will I ever get used to this, _she thought while silently eating her food.

Emma tried to appear strong, unaffected, normal. But she caught herself staring longer at the food than usual, not quite able to eat. Now and then she looked at Regina, trying to figure out where they stood at this point. But the brunette gave away nothing, and Emma turned back to her food. Snow and David compensated for the silence by everyone else in the room by talking loudly about the most normal and common things they could think of. _This is going to be a normal meal, _Snow thought, _nothing awkward about this, no not at all. _

It was a week-day so all the Charmings had school and work to do. But Regina couldn't be home alone, so Emma had to stay home and watch her until they were sure she were fine. In fact, because of her partly involvement of the current situation David suggested she might let him take the case instead. And in this case the suggestion seemed more like a demand Emma didn't quite know how to refuse. Regina only shrugged, hoping to get out of this soon. She had to get away. Run away. But at least she got to stay closer to Henry. And as everyone else left the house, she turned to Emma saying "we need to talk"...


	8. Chapter 8 - Sweet Dreams

**8. Sweet Dreams**

"We need to talk". Four small words, and yet enough for Emmas mind to fall into full panic mode. Did she want to talk? Did she want to know where they stood at this point? Her mind raced trying to figure out something to say, and even something to think, but she had nothing. Regina looked sternly at the blonde, her expressionless mask back on. "I currently have need of your services."

Regina laughed a bit on the inside as she saw the blonde's eyes widen, her mind trying to figure out what she was asking. _Nothing wrong having a little fun, _the mayor mused to herself. _But we don't have all day, better just get to the point. _"You're good with the technology things, right?"

Emma quickly managed to collect herself, trying to hide the sudden increase of the beating of her heart and the shudder that went through her. _Get it together, what did you expect!?_ Her mind temporarily blanked out as the woman before raised an eyebrow and adjusted her hair with her right hand. Her beautiful hand, that warm hand which had... _Seriously, Emma_ "Um.." She replied not quite sure what Regina was saying, captivated by the parting and closing of those dark red lips...

"If you could pay attention, we have a little problem if that_ father_ of yours gets the idea to get a certain surveillance tape from the hospital", Regina repeated with a slight annoyance audible in her voice. "I'm really don't have the time to watch you analysing every emotion of your brain while you dwell on what _you think _happened that day, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather it stayed between the two of us". Regina stared deep into Emmas eyes. _And I need you keep thinking she's not real. _"I especially would prefer to avoid explaining to _Henry_ how both of his mothers like a little taste of the dark side", she said it with a smirk on her face and a hint of laughter, "one evil mother is more than any kid needs to deal with".

Emma felt anger stirring inside again, but the sober version of herself didn't allow the words to sink in. _She's nothing to me._ She did however acknowledge that this time Regina was probably right. "What's the plan?" She asked.

"Easy enough", Regina replied. "my magic will get us in undetected but you need to kill the tape. Make the contents disappear. Do the computer thing. It's what you used to do before you came here, so I expect you can still handle it?" Regina spoke as if she planned a business transaction, betraying no emotions and turned to catch her coat.

"I'll help you", Emma replied, "but not until you tell me what's going on. What you asked of me..." Regina turned back to her, suddenly on the verge of tears, her face grimaced with anger. "I said that's none of your business!" Regina sneered at her before stopping, closing her eyes, and swallowing. She forced the feelings down, trying to keep it from surfacing, and after taking a deep breath her eyes opened once more and the calm, collected mayor was back. _I have to get control of this soon. Darn emotions! _

Emma was surprised by the dramatic changes in the woman before her. _She's broken. _And as Reginas face turned back to a frozen expression, she asked Emma if she had everything they would need to "kill the tape". When the blonde nodded, Regina closed the space between them, put her hand on Emmas shoulder, and a purple cloud surrounded them.

The feeling was exhilarating, the quick building up of magic, rushing through her veins, the power, the.. Regina could feel herself giving in to the sensation, filling her up, making her whole. After all this time of staying clean, she could feel herself surrender. _But I have to_, she thought, _and I'm still in __control. _

She ignored the gasp of the blonde beside her, as she too was completely engulfed by the purple cloud, and instead focused on picturing the control room at the hospital in her mind. After all, she knew perfectly well where they kept the tapes. She just didn't know how to erase them without having it connected to any of them. And for a moment she was shocked to find that she didn't want Emma to take the blame either. That was new. _It's because of Henry, _she reminded herself. _He wouldn't like it._

* * *

They arrived right inside the door of the control room, behind a guard who was too busy looking at an old re-run of Baywatch to notice the women materializing behind him. Apparently pretty girls in swimming suits never gets old. Before Emma had time to adapt to the rush of magic and being a completely different place, Regina sneaked up behind the guard and blew white magic over his head which made him instantly fall asleep.

She looked back at the questioning look on Emmas face and whispered "Knew a sandman once. They have a couple of nice tricks. If this guy remember anything of tonight he'll be convinced it was all a happy little dream." Emma looked impressed, almost smiled, and decided she better not ask how she _knew_ a sandman.

Emma gently pushed the man away from the computer, searching up the files of the surveillance camera. While she worked, Regina looked through the backups stacked on the shelf, which were made every night in case the computer crashed. Luckily this hospital wasn't really updated on the newest technology, and did not even backup their files to an internet database. As a mayor, Regina had seen to that herself in case the need to remove something arose.

Regina found the CD marked with the right date, and turned towards Emma. _OH FUCK! _Emma had found the right date, and was playing the video on screen. They could see how Regina was rushed into the room and put into the bed, with Doctor Whale and Emma talking. There was no audio on. "I think that's quite enough..." Regina said, slightly rushed "I really do not want to watch this. Can you swipe it clean? Make it look like the camera suddenly started malfunctioning or something?" She was trying to simply appear disgusted with having to see herself in such a state. _Nothing to see here, move on..._

Emmas spider sense tingled and she smirked inside knowing she'd already copied the entire file to her phone while Reginas back was turned. When she got back home she'd figure this thing out, fill in the blank spaces of her memory. And as she wiped the rest of the tape, leaving a scurry image which could be explained by some sort of malfunction, Regina seemed less anxious.

Emma finished her work, and Regina slipped the CD into her pocket. You never knew when such a thing would come in handy, might as well hold on to it a little bit longer. The women glanced at each other, double checked that everything was the way it was when they first entered the room, and the purple smoke once more engulfed them.

When the man in the surveillance room came too, he cursed to himself at falling asleep during work hours, but smiled at a dream he'd been having of two women talking. And for a brief moment he even thought he could smell a tiny hint of perfume in the air.

Back in the home of the Charmings, Regina hurried off not even glancing behind. Emma still felt dizzy by the unfamiliar rush of magic, and stumbled towards her room. She had a tape to watch.


	9. Chapter 9 - My Immortal

**9. My Immortal**

When they came back, Regina walked into the bathroom. She checked the make-up was still intact, her mask still covering the marks on her face. She added a bit more powder to be sure, and looked at her face. A moment this day she had let her emotions show. Her fears, her terror. She had to keep that from happening. Get it under control.

She felt sad. Why was she sad? How did it ever come to this? More and more of her old dreams, her old feelings were pouring in every minute and it was only arely tolerable. How did everyone else cope? How did they deal with the sorrow, the pain?

Ever since Regina could remember the sorrow had followed her like a dark shadow, whispering doubts into her mind. She would never be good enough. She would never be smart enough, kind enough, pretty enough. If only she could be beautiful, maybe they wouldn't seen the dark shade lingering on her face?

So she fixed her make-up on, painted her eyes, painted her mouth, painted her face. A mask hiding what she didn't want to show, her bad features, the red marks. _It was always this way_, she thought. Covering up. Hiding away. Trying to be something she was not.

She remembered being younger and looking at the clothes her mother had brought her, looking for something to wear. That was always the worst thing she knew, nothing fit her like she wanted. Nothing made her feel as confident as she wanted to, as beautiful. She put on a gorgeous dress, but it didn't sit quite right, highlighting the areas of her body she didn't want to show off. She quickly ripped it off. Another dress. _Better_, but still unflattering. She felt ugly. She felt worthless. She started panicking. _I don't really want to go anyway. I can just stay in here. _

Why did the memory suddenly surface out of nowhere? Why did she feel this bad? Had she always had such a low feeling of herself? She didn't know. She couldn't remember a day when she didn't. There probably was a time when she felt like a beautiful little princess, and the world was made of colours. When did they start to fade?

Kids can be cruel, and grown ups even worse. The first time someone throws a comment, it falls off. But when every day you feel inadequate, the words start burning into your mind. How can you not listen? Not believe what they say? Were they jealous or honest? It's not easy to know. So she always put up a brave face and turned the other cheek.

No matter how much the words stung, and how much she tried to appear unaffected, she could feel people pulling away. She could feel their eyes on her back when she turned, their laughter. And the silence rang in her ears when she approached them. She was not invited, not worthy of their time. She was not one of them. She was nothing.

And so she believed. She was worth nothing. Her dreams were unimportant, her sorrows unreal. She pulled away, not wanting to bother them. She kept to herself. But one day - one day she wanted to feel pretty, feel smart, feel worthy of a smile with genuine warmth.

She hid away at her home, not wanting to bother anyone with her sorrow. Maybe if she wore more make-up? Maybe if she was thinner? Maybe if she read and worked hard and became really smart? She started running in the mornings, working out, skipped meals. But the hollow feeling inside her didn't change. As her body lost weight her view of herself remained the same. _Ugly._

Her parents didn't help it along. When she pulled away and cried they told her to pull it together, be strong. When she told them she felt useless, they told her to stop that, pull it together, be strong. She was their little queen, she could handle this. She was going to be the most beautiful woman alive, the brightest, the most powerful. Words can't touch a queen.

So she stopped telling them. What good would come of it? They didn't understand. They didn't carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, and the sorrows of an outcast. They were strong, and beautiful and powerful. How could she ever compare? Nausea coursed through her body, she wouldn't manage to eat today.

And then one day a boy smiled at her. He saw the gentle girl with a book in her hand, and he talked to her. She felt like she wasted his time, she should leave, run away. And when he kissed her lips, she was shocked. She was nothing, she was no one, she was worthless. But, he told her, so was he. A simple boy working in their stables, keeping her favourite horse clean and fed.

And as they got to know each other, they fell in love. But it could never be, they both knew that. She was supposed to be all powerful, a queen or the like. She didn't feel like a queen. She felt like an outcast, a sad little girl lost in the world. And when he had found her, he became her shining light in a night so dark and full of terror.

They never told anyone. No one could know. They ran away in their dreams, stealing fleeting moments. He was kind, he was gentle, he was beautiful. He was her world. And yet she couldn't believe he could care for her. Inside she knew it would have to be a joke. Had someone had betted him to get the awkward girl to bed? This couldn't be real. She didn't deserve such bliss. She was nothing.

Every time he left, she assumed it would be the last time she saw him. He would run off, find someone better. Leave her. How could he not? She was worthless. So when he held her tight and said he loved her, she cried. She cried and she cried and she couldn't stop crying. How could anyone ever love someone like her?

_Oh, Daniel._ She thought. The image of his beautiful and kind face haunted her mind, haunted her dreams. She had blamed herself, every single day she had blamed herself. _Why did you have to die? _His eyes had turned white before her as her mother crushed his heart to dust. She had only done what she thought necessary. Her mother didn't understand love. To her he was just a random boy-toy her daughter had found, which kept her from following her dreams. She didn't understand why it affected her so much.

Regina had blamed them all. Herself for falling for him, for not hiding him well enough, for being too weak. She had known this wasn't her place, she had known her mothers dream for her. And yet she had let her heart run away to this boy. This cute little boy. _My dear Daniel. _

When she was done blaming herself and her mother, she blamed everyone else. Snow for telling, her father for not being there to stop it, and everyone else for pushing her away to him. And she blamed him. Oh, how she blamed him. Why did he ever love her? He should have left her alone. Let her be.

In time, the bitterness faded and left only sorrow. She cried at night, and when she was married off to the king, she felt nothing. When he held her tight, she felt nothing. When he took her to his bed, she still felt nothing. The days grew darker and her heart colder, and Snow became the constant reminder of the life she could have had. _If only she hadn't told. If only she had shut that beautiful little mouth of hers._

But how can you blame a child? She hadn't known, she had tried her best. She had wanted to help. Do the right thing. And in Snow she saw herself, all her doubts and sorrows mirrored. She held the child tight. _I'll keep you safe. Keep you happy. _

The winters were long, and the shadow grew within her heart. She could hear the king talk of his previous wife, her beauty, her kindness, her cleverness. "Snow is so much like her", he said, "My two beautiful women. My world". Regina wasn't mentioned. Was she not beautiful enough? Did the sorrow ruin her face and turn her bitter? She lowered her head. She had almost forgotten with the crown on her head and the silk of her dress. She was nothing. She would never be good enough.

And in the shadow of the previous queen she sat, always listening to the peoples praises of the dead woman, and of Snow. Pretty little snow. How similar to her mother she was. What a wonderful queen she would be when she came of age. How pretty she was. Regina was never mentioned. She was just there, a shade in the darkness, walking in her garden. "The ghost", they called her, for her face was pale and her face lined with sorrow. How could she ever fill the role put before her?

The years passed, and she tried. She really tried. She wore the pretty dresses, laughed at their jokes. But sorrow still claimed her heart. She had yet to be blessed with a child, the only job she had. She could see the faces of everyone around her, hear them mutter. "He ought to take another", she heard them whisper. She was not their queen. She had not yet given them a prince, an heir.

Snow was growing up to be quite the woman, talented as well as pretty. Everything her mother had been. She was tough and yet wise, naïve, and good hearted. Regina tried to show her the world, help her find her place. And yet the space between them increased. She was no longer a child, she didn't need a mother. She was an adult now, ready to take on the world.

_Then what's left for me?_ Regina wondered, tears suddenly running down her face. She had no dreams of her own, no child of her own, no more lights in the darkness. The only thing left was her power as queen, and relationship with a king twice her age. A king who never had gotten over the loss of his beloved wife. Who tolerated her in bed but no more. She felt so empty, so alone, so forgotten. _How did it all come to this?_

The sound of howling filled the deep winter night, and it snowed heavier and deeper than she had ever seen before. She shouldn't have opened the window, and yet she did. The cold and freezing wind caressed her, and her tears froze on her cheeks._ Why can't it all just go away?_ She climbed into the window as the snow blew in her face and melted on her skin. The cold against her body was nothing compared to the frost in her heart.

"Please", she whispered to the winter, "take it all away. Kiss my lips with ice, freeze my tormented heart". And as spoke, she fell forwards and out the window, into the snow. Coldness wrapped around her body, and she felt the cold kiss of winter turn her heart to ice. Back in the castle the king found an open window, wondering how it could have opened itself and closed it against the cold stinging wind.

Regina looked at her face in the bathroom mirror. _How could anyone ever love someone like me?_

Tears ran from her eyes, and she quickly brushed them away. _And how could they forgive me, when I can't even forgive myself? _


	10. Chapter 10 - Home is Where it Hurts

**10. Home is Where it Hurts**

Emma hurried into her room, shutting the door behind her. She finally had all the answers in her hand, she would know what parts she had imagined and which were actually real. And she felt a bit of triumph for sneaking it along with her without Regina noticing. _My precious_, she thought with a wicked grin on her face.

She opened the video on her screen and hit play. At first she could just see herself and Whale getting Regina into the bed, and him trying to figure out what had happened. Regina kept hyperventilating, but Whale put her under a constant stream of air, which seemed to calm her down. Then the two figures on the screen talked, and Emma could vaguely remember saying something about how she had come across Regina already fainted on the ground.

He had insisted there was more to the story, and Emma insisted he ought to just do his job. Then she had insisted they better not tell anyone just yet, _especially Henry_. "No need to cause any unnecessary worry", she said. He left the room, and Emma walked in circles trying to calm down. She was stressed, angry and confused. For a brief moment, the brunette seemed to wake, but then she fell into a deep sleep.

Emma saw herself pacing, walking, and waiting before leaving the room, clearly upset. What she saw next however, was shocking. The windows in the room suddenly froze over and opened slightly, letting wind rush through. But the wind wasn't wind, she realised. It seemed more like white fog which grew thicker and thicker until it seemed like it had a shape on its own. It swirled about as white snow fell around it, and the camera suddenly lost focus as fog dimmed the lens.

_What. The. Fuck? _Emma stared wide-eyed at the screen. Through the foggy image she could see a semi-transparent being, pale as the whitest snow, glimmering like silver. She bent over Regina, which instantly stirred and woke. The white woman put her hand at Reginas face while talking, and Regina instantly started shaking. Her eyes cried like a river, and she backed towards the wall. The white woman came closer, and Regina started screaming, crying, shouting. She tried to cover herself using a pillow. Then the being shifted, head towards the door. Moments later, Emma walked in with a glass of water.

The picture on the screen started clearing up, but watching it had made Emmas mind feel equally fuzzy. What was this being? _How? What? Who? _On the screen, the white woman turned to Emma, talked to her, and disappeared back into thin air. Wind rushed through the open door. The drunk Emma looked confused, and started talking to Regina. While the silver being was there, Regina had huddled up, hiding, crying hysterically.

Emma couldn't watch more. This was too much. Not only seeing what clearly wasn't human standing above Regina, but the way it made her feel... Regina was broken before, but one touch of that.. _thing_'s hand was enough to send her into complete terror. And it dawned on Emma that there was a reason why the brunette had wanted the tape cleaned which wasn't related to whatever the two of them had been doing. Whoever or whatever this thing was, Regina had clearly encountered it before, and she did not want anyone to know it was here. Emma however, wanted answers. But what could she ask, and who? Who could possibly know these things?

She put away her phone, opened her laptop and opened google. "Silver woman" she typed in the search bar, but the only pictures and links popping up were of very regular normal women in silver clothing. She typed in a big variety of terms including snow, fog, and even fairy tale – but it all came up empty. She didn't have enough to go on, this was too vague. She could sneak over to find Henry's book, but she didn't want to alert anyone to her current research. Not yet, anyways. _As soon __as Regina's out of here_, Emma thought, _I'll go book-hunting._

With all this focus on figuring out what was going on with the woman in the other room, she had hardly had any time at all to think about how she herself felt about things. She was exhausted, that was for sure. And yet... she had barely needed an excuse to release all her anger towards Regina. It had felt so easy, so simple, so _right._

Her life was never the easy one, jumping from home to home. There was never any continuity, only running, running, running. Sometimes she wasn't even sure why she was running, or what she was running from. She had always been headed somewhere, it seemed. Looking for a place to call home, someone to care for. And time and time again it had turned bad.

_They say you like the bad boys_, she hummed to herself as she got lost in time. Her parents never hit her, none of them, but when she got into trouble time and time again they didn't care either. Emma was never the kind to sit down and play with dolls, no, she ran outside with the boys. More often than not, that turned out badly. But little Emma didn't care. Nobody cared.

She was barely sixteen years old when she left them for good. She stole, she pulled pranks, and she made friends the only way she knew, letting the boys kiss her. Together they rampaged the streets at night, and slept in the days. Sometimes in her friends beds, sometimes on a sofa, and sometimes on the streets. And she ran. Always the running. The teachers didn't care, so she stopped going to school. When she simply stopped returning "home", her "parents" didn't bother come looking. She wasn't that hard to find.

She always met someone on the streets willing to take her in, and she grew tough. _A pretty young girl like you shouldn't be out at night_, the women would say. The men said no such thing. Thus she learned to defend herself, to kick, to hit, to hurt. She learned to live and let live, to hunt down what she needed.

As she turned eighteen she'd moved around, and lost all trust in people. She was nothing to them, but a means to an end. The boys wanted her body, the girls wanted her to fuck off, and the gangs wanted her money. She knew what everything was worth, how to scam, how to sneak away. And then a sunny day she met Neal. He was the dream man, tough and knowledgeable. He knew his way around money, how to get what they wanted. She was her guiding light in the darkness.

That wasn't what she liked about him though. No, where the other boys forced her down trying to get her to bed, he protected her. He was gentle. She could trust him. At least that's what she thought before he betrayed her. And it hurt. It hurt so much more than all the other boys. More than those who didn't see her. She had thought she loved him. She had given him everything. Her life, her love, and then he threw her away. How do you get over such a thing?

Getting pregnant with his kid and having Henry didn't help. She was barely of age, not even allowed to drink alcohol – how could she be old enough or responsible enough to care for a child? She didn't want him to be lost like her, growing up with a thief for a mother and a lie he'd never see for a father. He deserved better. So she let him go.

Emma lay down at the bed, watching history repeated inside her mind. Seeing Neal again had hurt so bad. She still loved a part of him, how could she not? He had been her everything, her life, her first love. The one she trusted. The bittersweet memories would always take the edge of the pain. _If only I'd known back then why he left_, Emma thought. He wasn't strong. He wasn't tough. He was a coward. Not able to face his father. He chose to run. How could she forgive him? And yet he had given her Henry, so how could she not?

The years went on, and she decided it was what she deserved for being so naïve. She was a thief, so jail wasn't really unexpected. She did her time. Learned to wait. Learned to plan. Outside the prison walls, she lived on the right side of the law, and yet it was never enough. So she learned to hunt people down, track them down. Under the cover of being a private investigator she finally had the chance to make men fall to their knees. Make them suffer for all they had put her to growing up.

Nothing was better than dressing up like the piece of meat they wanted, and watch the hunger in their eyes turn to pure terror as they realised their mistake. This was no easy pray, no victim. She was a predator, hunting in the night. Man after man she brought down to their knees. Some for scamming, some for stealing, some for cheating. Nothing was better than getting a bit rough as she pinned them down waiting for the cops to show up, or the girlfriend to smack their faces. Yes, she loved the chase.

To be honest, it was scary how much she loved the sense of control, of trailing them, knowing their moves. Holding them down. The few times they resisted enough for her to slap them across the face made her adrenaline run so fast she could almost loose herself in the rush. She wasn't just a predator. She was dangerous. At times it went to far, and she had to run again. New city, new town, new home. The jobs usually paid well, but the occasional slip-up meant a life on the move.

Now she tried so hard to do things right, but sometimes... _No, _she thought, _I'm not a saviour. Not a hero. _No matter how hard she tried to fool herself, the pull of the dark side was always there. Always the slight temptation. She was just waiting for herself to cross the line too far again, to see the scorning looks in peoples faces, to see them see her for what she was. _How am I less of a monster than Regina? _She sighed. She had a life now, a family.

And yet Regina pulled on all of Emmas strings. Made her anger stir, her blood rush. Made her feel so unbelievable angry. _It's the power_, Emma thought. Emma was always used to controlling the situation. Being on top. Regina didn't allow for that. And with her magic, Emma just didn't quite dare stand to hard against her. She could do a tiny bit herself, yes. But Regina had fireballs, and more dangerously nothing more to lose. In Reginas eyes, she often saw all the things she disliked about herself mirrored. It would be so easy to fall into this trap...

Emma closed her eyes. Analysing the situation didn't help. She needed more information. She opened her eyes again, and for a brief moment she saw the alluring brunette standing above her, red lips close to her own. Emma blinked as her heart beat faster, and as she opened them once more, she saw she was alone. She was surprised to feel slightly disappointed by the realisation.

_Really, Emma?_ This was not good. She was absolutely not in control any more. This woman was getting to her. And as she felt a burning sensation building up at the memory of those lips on her neck, the wicked grin... Emma brought up her phone once more, opened the tape and hit play. As she watched the seduction on the screen, she muttered to herself deep under her breath. _Regina. Please._


	11. Chapter 11 - Snow Brigade

**Snow Brigade**

Someone screamed in the night. When they found Regina's body in the snow, they thought she was dead. Her body was cold, her skin turned white as the blood constricted to her most vital body parts. "It won't be that easy, dearie" a twisted voice muttered somewhere in the distance. The manic laughter faded into the distance, as a warm rush ran through her body. The servants who found her quickly wrapped her in blankets, and brought her in.

It was days before the queen could be seen walking the castle again, but the cold never seemed to leave her eyes. The paleness were still showing in her skin, and a hint of bitterness added to her voice. Nobody mentioned how the king hadn't visited her when she was barely breathing. Only Snow had sat there, but the queen had sent her away.

The cold had turned her evil, people said, for the change in her was apparent. Where she previously had greeted people humbly and gently, she now stared mockingly at everyone around her. _I am their Queen, they better start treating me like one_, she thought. When they didn't bow down, she made them. Every day was such a torment, the least they could do was to obey their queen. She was tired of being overrun. She was tired of the bratty attitude of Snow, and certainly of her king. _He has to go._

* * *

In Storybrooke, Regina was still staring into the mirror. _I'm so ugly!_ If only, oh, if only! She didn't even know what she wanted. Her emotions were so confusing, her memories dark. The only times she seemed to manage to focus was near Henry or Emma. She cast a final glance towards her mirror, and made sure she appeared normal enough.

She left the room, and slowly walked towards Emma's door. She stopped outside it. Better not disturb her after all. Last time they had been alone near a bed things had gotten a bit out of hand. Better not confuse things even more, right? And yet she wanted some sort of distraction. Her mind was buzzing, and if _she _was back it was better to not be alone. _She'll never give up her claim on me_, Regina thought, _not if she's really back._

As she tried to decide whether to bother the blonde or not, she ended up leaning against the door. _Is that a .. moan?_ Regina listened with her ear stuck to the door. Her body tensed, and she felt the blood rush through her veins. _Is Emma...? _A smirk could be seen on Reginas face.

In the end her curiosity gave in, and she knocked once on the door while entering quickly in case there was something interesting to see. Two green eyes met her own as she saw the blonde twist her head towards her. She was lying on the bed, books thrown everywhere around her, her phone in her hand, laptop on her pillow. She appeared at the first glance to be multitasking several things, but the red glow in her cheeks told another story.

Emma quickly froze when the brunette entered the room, and praised any higher power she hadn't entered seconds before when she had whispered Reginas name under her breath. Her thoughts were flustered, her body eager. _I want her_, Emma thought and then cursed silently to herself for thinking it. This was the evil queen, her son's mother, her own mother's enemy. A killer queen.

An unnaturally long moment the two women stared at each other, none of them saying a word. Regina wasn't quite sure why she was there, and Emma didn't dare ask. What game were they playing this time? What was the rules? And who would fall? In games involving the evil queen you would either win or die, and Regina still had the look of terror in her eyes.

It was Emma who finally broke the silence. "You feeling any better? Need anything?" The question itself was harmless enough, but the tone on the word _need _seemed slightly suggestive. Before Regina managed to think she heard herself reply in her smuggest voice, _"_And what would you suggest I _need, _miss Swan?" Emma grinned at her, then stopped grinning, closed her mouth and tried to appear more serious. "How would I know, Regina, you came to my door after all"...

_Oh, right_, Regina thought. "I just wanted to say thanks for helping out with the tape", Regina replied. _Yes, that was a nice excuse. Good mayor._ She smiled to herself inside her mind. Emma scanned the woman in front of her. Her face made a sceptic grimace, and made an eye roll. The brunette was still red on some areas, and her current open jacket showed off some of the bruises she hadn't managed to cover completely.

Regina saw the look on the blondes face and as she realised what she looked at, she clutched the jacket tighter around her, tried to cover it up. "It's nothing, really." She told Emma, "don't blame yourself for following my orders for once, like any good peasant should do." But Emmas eyes only narrowed, and she stood up from her bed. She closed the distance between them, looking furious. "Take it off!" She shouted at Regina. "Take that jacket off, right now!"

Regina hadn't expected this sudden rush of emotions, and stumbled backwards through the door. "No." Emma didn't stop. She came closer, ripped off the jacket Regina was wearing, and traced her hand against the bruised marks on Reginas throat and chest. "I'm so sorry!" She gasped, tears showing up in her eyes. One of Emmas hands went to cover her mouth as she gasped at the amount of hurt she had brought on the woman in front of her, the other hand held onto Reginas skin.

Regina didn't know how to respond, and just stood there, silent. She didn't bother trying to pull away when Emma moved more of the fabric from her body, trying to get a grip on the extent of the damage. As more skin became visible, Emma could see white scars along the sides of Reginas body, somewhere beneath the red of her skin. As Regina realised what was being shown, she quickly pulled back. "Really. It's nothing."

_I should have known! _Regina screamed internally at herself. _Coming here was a bad idea. I have to get away. Now._ She pulled away from the shocked blonde, who didn't quite seem to grasp the amount of pain this woman had been through. Even though they had seen her pinned down and tortured an extensive amount of time before their very eyes, a pain which had brought Snow into shock in mere seconds, it was too hard to understand. If this was nothing, if all of this was nothing, what would it take to make her break? "Who did this to you?" Emma shouted, "what the hell happened to you?"

Regina didn't reply. What was there to say? After she returned from the cold all those years ago, she had never been the same. Her thoughts had darkened, her heart froze. In turn she had done everything she could think of to feel anything. Anything at all. In the nights screams could be heard from her bedchamber, but the screams were never hers. _I never screamed_, Regina thought at the memories, _not even once. _

Emma closed the space between them without looking up from the red marks. "I'm so sorry about everything. Can you ever forgive me?", she whispered with such emotion Regina was shocked. She didn't understand the blonde's sudden feelings, and victimization was not fitting for a queen. She heard the pity in the other woman's voice, saw the sorrow lined in her face. _Stop! _"I don't want anyone's pity", Regina said in a disgusted tone, "Especially not from someone like you". She hissed at the blonde, fire once more burning in her eyes. _Who does she think she is, judging _my_ past, pitying _me_? _

Emma backed away, obviously confused. Reginas walls were back up, shutting the blonde out once more. The look in her eyes suggested there was no way through them this time. She seemed calm and crazy at the same time, like a face of stone. _I should never have let her see, _Regina angrily thought to herself, e_specially not now when winter is coming. _

"By the way, it all meant nothing the other day", Regina suddenly said as she turned to walk away, "You were simply convenient. Available. Rest assured _that_ won't happen again." As Emma watched her walk away, she for some weird reason felt the words sting inside.


	12. Chapter 12 - Winter Sonata

**Winter Sonata**

The day passed slowly, and not until Snow and Henry came home from school, did Emma have a chance to get out of the house. Her initial plan had been to consult Henry's book, but he kept it too close at hand, and asking him might seem too suspicious. Instead she went for the 2nd best option. Belle.

As she entered the door to the library, a small bell chimed and the librarian's head suddenly appeared behind a big stable of books. "Hi Emma, what can I do for you today?", She asked cheerily while stuffing away some books on a shelf. "An adventure? An action thriller? Crime fiction? You name it, I'll find it!"

Emma bit her lip, trying to explain what she wanted. "Here's the thing", she started, "I think I saw something weird the other day, and want to figure out if it's something or not. Nothing to worry about". She tried to make it appear less of a deal than it was, but Belle's curious look asked for more information. "Anything particular you saw, so we know where to start looking?" The enthusiasm behind a possible mystery was obvious in Belles voice. Books and mysteries, didn't get more up her alley than that.

"Something on fairy tale creatures, magical beings and such, anything that might have lived in the Enchanted forest?" Emma offered, "I think it's a woman, or a being, or a... creature-sort of thing". Belle sighed. "That's not much to go on, the list of women which might be beings is endless, nothing more specific to go on? Anything at all might help?" Emma lowered her eyes, trying to decide what to say.

_How much information is too much? I don't want to alarm anyone if it's nothing, and yet I don't know what sort of being this could be, what it could do? _Emma suddenly noticed she was gazing into the air thinking, and instead described the creature as best as she could. "It was a her, and she was pale silver, almost transparent – but not like the ghosts in the films, no, she was more like a cloud-swirling-thing, hovering..." Emma stopped. She was aware of how ridiculous she sounded, but Belle only watched her with amused interest. "And when it entered the room it was if everything suddenly turned cold, almost like a dementor had approached and sucked all the happiness away. Oh, and I almost forgot, there were snowflakes!"

Belles eyes suddenly seemed lined with sorrow, her previous happily curious face exchanged for a more serious expression. "It can't be".. she muttered, letting the words hang in the air as she moved to shelves a few rows back. The books were full of dust, and as she grabbed the volumes, she blew a layer of dust from a fat and old book. She flicked through its pages, written in letters Emma could not understand. "Where did you say you saw her?" Belle suddenly asked, staring deep into Emmas eyes, "did she seem to have a purpose, a target?"

Emma didn't know what to say, and as she debated whether or not to reply, Belle's grim face turned darker. "Don't tell me, your eyes already did. I don't want to know anything more. In fact, the less I know in this particular case, the better. Take the book, go away, don't bring it back. And don't tell _him_ I gave it to you, ok?" Belle looked anxious, and Emma stared at the book in her hands.

"But I can't read it! I don't understand the letters, the writing anything!", Emma was growing frustrated, and the sudden change in Belle did not look promising. "Ok, Um, we can figure this out, I just..." Belle glanced nervously around her. "What you described sounds like an elemental or sprite, but I can't be sure which one, you have to be really careful around those..." She whispered while making a shushing noise. Then she walked to another shelf, collected a pile of books while muttering to herself, "It really can't be..."

A short while after, Emma was pushed out of the library with a bag full of books, and a note to tell her what to look up. _Sprites. Elementals. _But how bad could any of it really be? Sure, the thing brought Regina into a full panic mode, but it had faded into the air as soon as Emma entered the room. It couldn't be that powerful, right?

She walked up to her tiny, yellow car, and sat down with the pile of books and notes from Belle. There were quite a few different things, of way different origin, how would she know where to start? The first book was a Grimm fairy tales, the second H. C. Andersen's collected works. She also found Moomin (really?), Russian mythologies, Norse mythology, and quite a few more books she didn't even bother opening. She was mostly amused by finding Moomin in the collection, and quickly skimmed through one of the books apparently directed at children.

"_The Groke with yellow eyes - a fierce and awful sight, the air around her turning afternoon to night," _Emma read the tales by Tove Jansson with widened eyes, as the children's tale described how everyone ran away from the Groke, a creature of winter and sorrow and loneliness. Wherever she stepped, the ground turned to ice, and winter followed behind her. Another winter character also caught her eye, The Lady of the Cold. A female winter manifestation of winter which froze people all the way through with nothing but her stare. _And this is supposed to be a children's book!?_

Hadn't she heard of something like that before? Like basilisks maybe, or Medusa? No, there was something else, something more close to this topic. _Yes, you clever girl, _Emma thought to herself as she re-played events from one of the Narnia films they kept sending every single Christmas. She had loved those tales, the wonderful, warm children's tales repeated every year keeping her company wherever she happened to be at the time. _A tiny bit of tradition_, she smiled to herself. _The White Witch!_

As she sat there thinking, she brought up one of the papers Belle had stuck between the books with her notes, and started making a list. "Possible candidates", she titled it, and listed the names of every wintery, ghostly, terror inducing character. She added another column for their apparent "talents" or supernatural effects and hoped making a list might make it more easy to separate them out. She never really thought it would be any of the creatures from Moomin, but what the heck, might just as well write it down with the others.

Beneath the Groke, the Lady of the Cold and the White Witch, she added Jack Frost, Snegurochka, Vetr and Old man Winter. But none of them seemed _just right. _The Russsian tale of Snegurocka or the "Snow Maiden" described a young maid, sometimes as the daughter of other elemental beings, sometimes as a creature built from snow. But in all the tales, she was unable to love and instead she melted. _That's not a happy ending at all_, Emma thought, _all these European fairy tales are no fun! Just sorrow and pain and suffering..._ _Not at all like their Disney counterparts._

Emmas eyes were getting unfocused from staring at all the books, when they suddenly widened. Her heartbeat sky-rocketed, and she almost started pointing at the book. _This is it!_ She stared at a leather-bound edition of Hand Christian Andersen's collected tales. As she skimmed through the stories, she wrote down on her piece of paper. "The Snow Queen", and just below it, "The Ice Maiden". Suddenly, everything made perfect sense.

* * *

**NOTE:** Before reading more of the story onwards from now, I strongly recommend checking out the two last mentioned fairy tales by H. C. Andersen. They are some of his longer, and by far best tales. And as always, all feedback is good feedback.


	13. Chapter 13 - Master of Puppets

******The Master of Puppets**

_"Will you look into the mind of a madman? Would you fear to learn what lies inside? Is he truly as crazy as you imagine?" _The red ink in his pen danced across the paper, following the old feather pen. It made decorative swirls on the first capitalized letter, and as the words were written down, they slowly disappeared into the paper. The words were written down, but not until his final passing would they be revealed once more. The magic entangled in his blood-ink would see to that.

"When reward and punishment blends together, what happens to our morals? When the very punishment itself for our wrongdoings seems a sweeter reward than the righteous path could ever bring? When desire turns to darkness, when lust turns to the roads we shouldn't travel... Is there no light for us? Are we truly doomed? Where do we go from here? I'm sure you already understand.

Don't tell me what I want is wrong. Don't tell me what I need is wrong. Don't tell me I shouldn't follow where my heart takes me. I already know. But if you stop me, If you stop me in my search for relief, for happiness, how does that make you any better? This is who I am. This is what I want. This is what I need. This is the path laid before me. I only follow it like you followed yours. This is who we are, you and I.

I know I will never feel truly at peace, in harmony with the life outside. We are creatures of the night, not of the bright sunlight like the others. I don't cherish the glorious golden moments where the sun streams in and the light dance across my hair. I cherish the darkness, sweeping across the night sky, obscuring the fiery flames from my eyes. I cherish the hours when twilight fades to complete and utter darkness, and hides my face from their ever judging eyes.

And most of all I cherish the madness. The confusion across everyone's faces when things get twisted. The doubt in their eyes when they see me grin. They always fall to my plans, all of them. The insignificant people, running around, rushing, rushing, rushing. They don't even know where they're going, no, they have no idea. Yet they keep it up, running, stressing.

They act like puppets on a stage, oblivious to the hands that steer them. And whenever they see one tiny hint of a thread pushing them another direction than intended, their worlds fall apart. They want to be their own masters, the directors of their lives. Yet the harder they try to push away, the deeper they fall into my web of lies, of plans, of words.

Am I really darkness? Maybe. Should I stop this game? Not as long as I walk this world. Those before me saw to that.

Look at how people cherish my gentle pulls and twists in their reality. How they marvel in their grief, - for what was their happiness worth before they saw the darkness? "I live again", they say after the pain has passed. They burn with the passion I lead them to, oh yes how they burn. Blinded by rage or desire they pay my price, and should you ask them they will all say it was worth it. And it is really worth it until they fall so deep there's no way back up, crossing the final point of no return. When the world has brought them so far to their knees they come to see their own true nature. Their own deepest fears keeps spilling out of their perfect covers. They are no better than you and me.

We're all mad here. And with a little push in any direction we all fall and we all fail and we all follow the path set before us. Caught in the web of time, the web of lies. As I follow the paths laid by he who came before me, I am bound to his madness. And as I follow his roads before me, I will bring you all with me. Even when all my passions are fed, my dreams fulfilled or destroyed, my task complete, I will bring you all with me.

When finally one stands up to me, when finally my time has come, I will laugh. I already know who it will most likely be. I doubt you know it yourself. Yet the road has always lead you here, to this one and final act of revenge meant to free you from my grasp. But with the very hand you will use to end my life, you will bind herself to my fate. Time will be your prison once more, and in trying to break free, you will be forever bound to my will.

There is no way out. There is no rest for the wicked. Not even in Death. He's just a pawn of mine, and he won't take you in before I allow him to. Like the winter cannot thread in summertime, Death cannot claim the living. And as long as you are needed in my plans, you will not be allowed to die. You already tried, oh how you tried.

In your darkest hour you threw yourself into the night, but the cold did not claim you, for she is in my service. Instead she froze your soul, your heart, your dreams. When you in your deepest anger tried to burn yourself alive you only took the flames into your heart. To this very day, you burn brighter and colder than anyone my dearest apprentice. I'm looking forward to the day you finally surpass your master.

As long as my shards dig into your heart, you will be mine. I see how you try to break away, how you struggle. No matter how hard you try, it's locked inside you. A knife can't cut it away. The slow agonizing pain will follow wherever you go. You will never get away, ever. Slowly you will turn on me, slowly you will finally finish the job and end me.

How terrible it will be to not be a part of this world. To leave to the unknown darkness, let it swallow me up completely. And when the final stab comes, I will laugh. All the way to the end I will laugh, and Death will greet me as an old friend. Together we will leave, and he will carry me off. I will be free. No more strings. No more voices. No more laws, no more madness.

Till then the magic holds me to my purpose, but soon dearie, soon you will free me of this burden as you were always meant to do. People will laugh when I go. Dance on my grave, celebrate. Then as the dust settles, they will realize a beast is nothing compared to the coming monster.

Darkness will fall on the world, and through you, magic will find a vessel stronger and braver than me. Through you it will find power too terrible to imagine, a dark queen beautiful and terrible as the dawn, treacherous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth. There will be no limits to your power.

_That is how the world will end."_

He put his pen down, and folded the parchment into an envelope. Then he wrote two final words on the outside of the envelope, and put it on the inside of his jacket, _"For Regina"._


End file.
